Childhood Memory Demolition Team

[ Half-Hearted 2009 Cleanup Project ]


World's Greatest Dad (2009) ... D+ (22) [ The first half: "I'm Robin Williams, an unappreciated genius. My son is a complete douchebag. Yes, he is entirely a complete douchebag, and no, he is nothing else besides a complete douchebag." The second half: "After my son's idiotic demise, as his only parent I accept no responsibility for his life failure or incorrigible behavior, but rather embark on a long-winded charade which bitterly reveals everyone around me to be conniving phonies - those Johnny Depp Willy Wonka folks - incapable of appreciating the talent of people like me, the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka folks. Despite how my love of old zombie films obviously separates me from the proles, I nevertheless strive for their superficial valuations of success, until my concluding change of heart." ]

The Girlfriend Experience (2009) ... B- (54) [ Stephen Soderbergh's cold, formal filmmaking can be a bitter pill to swallow, but to be fair you could describe his decidedly more upbeat Ocean's Eleven the same way. Nevertheless, his recession era parable hits the nail on the head. The Girlfriend Experience is basically a what-if where sex and relationships join the ranks of capitalism by becoming merely transactional, the feeling removed from something inherently emotional. Relationships = emotional is a no-brainer but for those who think emotion has nothing to do with business, consider the recession was made possible in part by individuals as corporate agents who didn't think twice about the folks on the receiving end. By the conclusion our hero falls from grace, demoted from her slick and self-absorbed clientele to the fat and needy. It's empathy in business regained, and we all paid the price. ]

Law Abiding Citizen (2009) ... D+ (21) [ Justice system? More like INjustice system, amirite? District attorneys don't care about their cases, they just want a high conviction rate! Hypocritical judges who subvert the laws to their own whims are in bed with city officials who deflect high profile cases to salvage their public image! Also, individual vigilante justice is taking things too far, thus completing my blanket condemnation of the legal process! There's no way out, that's why I made this movie! Attend your token kid's cello recital! GO TO SLEEP. Zzzzz... ]

Love Happens (2009) ... D (12) [ Aesop. The Cobbler's Children Have No Shoes. Granola Girl. Meet Cute. It's Not You, It's Me. Inner Monologue. Flashback Echo Slow Clap, Standing Ovation. Aesop. ]

2012 (2009) ... D (10) [ When bullcrap "science" and moral high-ground presumption (the president needs to "tell the truth" about "what really happened" in this "catastrophe" that took place on our soil) collide, the disaster movie is born. Self-righteous haranguing about how humans of all nationalities should be working together because we're all one wrold (cue ending pull-back shot for emphasis) and other such critique of human progress would seem less hypocritical coming from someone who didn't also approve the preceding half hour of witless carnage and wanton loss of life via mystical circumstances foreseen by Mayan augury. (Sample back-to-basics advocacy line: "Two thousand years of technology, and they saw it coming when we didn't!") Thank you so very much, Guy Who Directed Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. Or is that Guy Who's Best Movie is Stargate? ]


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